Top 5 Real Reasons Why Sarah Palin Retired

We here at The Dyer Boys blog hope that all of you had a happy Fourth of July weekend. And for all you non-Americans, we also hope you enjoyed your weekend, though without celebrating any kind of victory over an 18th-century inbred despot. But on to today’s topic…

Sarah Palin unexpectedly resigned last week as governor of Alaska, leaving many people to wonder why she would do this so suddenly. Naturally, we have lots of friends on the Alaskan political scene, so today we bring you the real reasons why she quit.



Philip's list:

1. Wanted to catch up on all of the reading that she hasn’t been doing for the past 45 years.

2. She watched all of the footage of herself from the vice-presidential campaign and finally had to admit that, yes, she really does suck.

3. On last helicopter wolf hunt, accidentally shot 27 schoolchildren in the face.

4. God finally answered all of her prayers by telling her to go spend the rest of her life in a freakin’ cave or something.

5. She wanted to spend more time with her children Slag, Funk and Piglet.


Douglas's list:

1. Getting her freak on with Argentinian reporter.

2. Signed deal with HarperCollins to write a book so now she needs to devote time and research into figuring out what a "book" is.

3. Husband named a star after her, so really she's in charge of a whole solar system now.

4. That bridge to nowhere isn't going to build itself.

5. Wants to devote more time to international travel like maybe Canada or Toronto.