Philip's list:
1. Corey Feldman - He and MJ had a pact and we expect him to honor it.
2. Dick Cheney - Heart rust.
3. Gary Busey - The Medical Examiner won't be able to tell if it was alcohol poisoning, the truck that drove over his head, or the fact that he was trying to cut out his own liver and replace it with a carton of cigarettes.
4. Aretha Franklin - C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E.
5. Paris Hilton - Trying to lick crumbs out of the bottom of her toaster.
Douglas's list:
1. Jessica Simpson - Inflated beyond recommended PSI.
2. Kate Gosselin - Hit head after tripping on uterus.
3. Perez Hilton - Extreme dehydration from crying about getting bitch slapped by Black Eye Peas manager.
4. George Michael - Repeated blunt trauma to uvula.
5. Either Dyer - Excessive post-circumcision blood loss.
While we're certain that all of our celebrity death predictions will come true within the next 60-75 years, you probably have some of your own. Tell us all about them now!
18 comments:
I think you've got something with the Gary Busey prediction.
Both "Dyer boys" for impersonating Dyer boys!
Kate Moss .... neighborhood kids mistaking her for a stick and playing fetch with her body with their dogs one too many times
The George Michael one is too funny. Really, I almost hurt myself laughing at it.
My picks are Patrick Swayze--Hit by a car on his way to a doctor's appointment;
and the ShamWow guy--Autoerotic asphyxiation. Found with ShamWow stuffed into throat and a jizzed-on photo of Billy Mays near the body.
Autopsy results explain the earpiece. He had been partially assimilated into the Borg when they realized he was worthless to them and discontinued the process.
Did I go too far? Sometimes I just don't know when a joke is finished.
i love the george michael one.. though I didn't know males had a uvula ;)
I know... I'll keep my day job
1) Mary Kate Olsen: ..or was it Ashley...ah, shit...the skinny one...with the eating disorder...fuck it...I've confused myself.
2) Richard Gere: Fuzzy wuzzy bowel obstruction.
3) Megan Fox: Moooooog penis overdose.
4) C. Thomas Howell: Falling into obscurity.
5) Jenna Jameson: Sucked into a black hole when her vagina begins collapsing under it's own weight.
Chris - The only surprise is that it hasn't happened already.
Imposter - Did you know you have "KY" in your name? :-)
Dizz - The trick is to marinate her for an hour before throwing her to your dogs.
kathcom - I'll just wait for you to finish... (Douglas: the previous has been a "that's what she said" set up for you.)
Dizz deux - The whole reason that men have a uvula is to prevent this sort of thing from happening.
Moooooog - I assume that Megan Fox has built up quite a tolerance by now.
Gary Busey will never die!
I just got his voice on my GPS and he is one funny fucker! He says some crazy ass things to me while driving. Check it out and keep Gary alive.
I think the site I got it from was called Navtones. It's some funny shit!
Here's my death-lotto choices:
Sally Struthers - She'll either explode from that last slice of GodFathers OR
Some Save the Children kid that actually made it out of wherever alive will murder her at Baskin Robbins after having stalked her for the last 10 years
Carrot Top - Castrated after an angry JOHN mistakes him for the Lucille Ball impersonating transvestite who gave him crabs
Carol Channing - Just because it's time..
Had no idea Busey was still alive. I figured the Busey on Tru TV's Smoking Gun show was a robot.
"2. Kate Gosselin - Hit head after tripping on uterus."
A) I just threw up.
B) and scheduled a hysterectomy.
C) Love you guys.
Anonymous - Gary will never die as long as he lives on in the hearts of those who love him. Namely, you.
Surveygirl46 - You've played right into my theory that Carol Channing and Carrot Top are the same person.
CB Jones - Technically, Gary is more machine than human now so you were right.
LiLu - Aaaawwww, we love us too.
Oprah Winfrey.. she's going to explode from the eating binge she is on... no wait she is going to die from an eating disorder..wait.. she is eating again she is going to explode...Damn it Oprah make up your fucking mind so I can make this prediction and impress everyone..Either inhale all those donuts and explode already or starve yourself into oblivion..
Will Ferrell: Buried under an avalanche of horrific scripts.
Joan Rivers: Melting on a cruise in the Bahamas.
This was a hilarious post guys! It also elicited a bunch of good comments too.
My prediction: Tyra Banks - Spiked heel to the forehead from a disgruntled America's Next Top Model Contestant.
MM the MM - Either way, your prediction will be correct.
Chris - We asked for predictions. Both of those have already happened.
Theresa - Douglas actually deleted my list item that said "Tyra Banks: Excessive fierceness." Okay, he actually approved that one and deleted the Paris Hilton one, but I ignored him.
Karl Malden.
No, Suzy - you can't guess after it's already happened!
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