1. I was with Chris Ensign the whole time at some sort of religious conference thing. Go ahead, Chris Ensign. Tell them that's where we were.
2. I was just taking my career out for one last trip before it died.
3. One thing for sure is that I wasn't anywhere in South America and, even if I were, I definitely wasn't banging some chick there. Especially not in Buenos Aires. Seriously, guys, you shouldn't even bother looking into anything like that.
4. I was with Ed McMahon all week. Go ask him yourself.
5. Every seven years, I must return to my home planet Vulcan to perform the ritual of Pon Farr. That's totally where I was.
1. Well, I went to Las Vegas and they have this funny rule there.
2. I was like, totally spending the night at a friend's house and like, my cell phone quit working, and like, my friend's Mom totally knew where I was so it was cool.
3. My GPS has really been on the fritz lately. I just looked up and a sign said "Welcome to Argentina".
4. I've been here the whole time! South Carolina, you just got PUNKED!!!
5. South Carolina can take care of itself for a few days. Worse comes to worse, there are 49 other perfectly good states.
Hey, don't forget to enter these captions contests:
- Our Own Jumping Satan
- Chica's Hungriest Man Alive
- Kirsten's Big Hair
- Heather's Cigarette Head
- And wish Joe a speedy recovery! Get well soon, DOM!