Philip's List:
1. For first time in Dodgers history, they had to order XXXL batting helmets.
2. Has developed a bad habit of punching all inside pitches with his fist.
3. After striking out, would frequently go into dugout and eat one of the bat boys.
4. Despite requiring larger and larger jerseys, he kept ordering smaller and smaller jock straps.
5. Threw TV out of hotel room window while watching "Wheel of Fortune" when his solution to the puzzle "Lame _uck" turned out to be incorrect.
Douglas's List:
1. When spotted in Roswell, New Mexico, government claimed his head was just a weather balloon.
2. Only shops at Dave's Big, Tall and Juiced.
3. Throw to home plate inadvertently knocked down Russan spy satellite.
4. When girl scout tried to sell him cookies he chased her down block in his Hummer.
5. While throwing darts he accidentally impaled bartender against wall.
Since we also enjoy slapping lidocaine patches over every square inch of our exposed flesh, some of our list items might be considered somewhat... less than stellar. Here is the "Doggie Bag" of items that we wrote while even higher than normal. Enjoy!
1. His urologist referred him to a psychiatrist for insisting he had testicles.
2. Back acne leaves viscous layer of pus inside team jersey.
3. Once leapt into the stands to scream at a 4-year-old girl who was wearing a Padres jersey.
4. Destroyed entire Sesame Street set during guest appearance when The Count kept pointing at his ass and saying, "Twenty-seven! Twenty-seven steroid injection marks!"
14 comments:
6. He plays Major League Baseball and is known for hitting tons of home runs.
Ooh, we missed the obvious one. Thanks for pointing this out, Walter!
They should just let them all roid up to as big and strong and fast as they can get. Why the hell not?
Jesus, have you guys won enough captioning awards?
The Red Sox are using his old batting helmets as the team's whirlpools.
He and Barry Bonds are the only players whose bobbleheads are proportionally correct.
Acne cream was found on his back scratcher.
Shawn: The answers to your two questions are 1) Because blood is so hard to get out of Astroturf and 2) Not yet, because we do it for the children.
Chris: Nice ones! Heh heh... bobbleheads.
Everybody keeps picking on the poor widdle ole baseball players.
They're just following a good ole American pastime and tradition!
Gah!
I heard he is changing his name to Juana, a woman with a past no balls and a real swollen rectum.
....for the children... LMFAO...
Overheard remarking, "Baseball been berry, berry mood-altering to me"
Endlessly mutters: "I don't take no stereos"
It's nice to see a former Cleveland Indian fall on his face, they usually win MVP or a World Series after they leave here.
Quirky - Gah. I couldn't have put it better myself.
Etta - He sounds like half the people in my Matches.com inbox.
Winky - We're trying to watch the language so in the future please say "LMFBO". Again, for the children.
Noname - I had to read it a couple of times before I got the stereos comment. Now it's funny.
Sue - I think we should all take a step back here and remember that he is presumed innocent until proven otherwise by a jury of his enormously-headed peers.
To be fair, those girl scouts can tend to be a tad bit pushy when selling overpriced baked goods.
1. He thinks Madonna is hot
2. He almost went to the Yankees where steroid use and neat hair are required.
3. he can no longer find his 'little Manny'
4. Manny now gets really angry at Manny for being Manny when Manny shouldn't be being Manny but instead just being Manny.
5. Wrapping his head around number four causes his track marks to bleed.
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