Philip:
1. Chia Man: Able to grow a small herb garden right out of his scalp in under a week.
2. The Mixologist: Rotating adamantium finger attachments allow him to blend 10 alcoholic beverages at once.
3. Testiculor: He actually had a pretty cool power, but they just couldn’t get past the name.
4. The Origaminator: She distracts the enemy by folding paper into cute little shapes while other mutants sneak up on them from behind.
5. Carney Man: Guesses weight within 5 pounds at an astonishing 84% accuracy rate.
Douglas
1. ChickFlicka - Can watch Lifetime Network for up to eight hours in a row without vomiting.
2. Viagro - Do we really need to tell you?
3. Sudokio - Can neatly arrange up to nine numbers in three different directions.
4. Dizzney - Can assume the shape of any of the seven dwarves.
5. Alcoholo - Can make anyone attractive for up to four hours.
And now, the Doggie Bag. These are the leftovers that nearly made the cut but not quite. Like a lethargic Lorena Bobbitt. Or something funnier than that.
1) Mini Purl: The midget who can knit at superhuman speeds.
2) Slug Man: They asked the art department for someone with extreme punching power, but instead they made a guy who leaves a gross wet trail everywhere and dies as soon as salt touches him.
3) ChillyGirl - Can poke enemies' eyes out with her nipples.
4) Maternella - Can convey disappointment with the cock of one eyebrow.
19 comments:
My personal favorite:
The ass rocketeer.
I am fond of ChiaMan as-- not only is he a descendant of MossMan from the He-Man tradition-- but when alfalfa seeds are added to his skin, he soon makes a nice salad.
Now we're talkin'! Slugman and his archrival, Morton Saltman. I think you're on to something here.
lol @ Jenn. Keep pushing the Mossman name out there. He must not be forgotten!
I think ChickFlicka is based on my mom.
Mike - That's really none of our business.
Jenn - I know but he hates when I sprinkle him with bacon bits.
Me-Me - We do too but try to get Marvel to return a freaking phone call!
Shawn - I didn't want you to find out this way but...your mother and I, well, we're more than just "friends".
I kinda like "Testiculor". I hear that he was a good crimefighter until he got sacked for misconduct.
Heh heh... "sacked."
Don't forget CorWRECKtor - Her power came from being zapped by a sunspot thru a hole in the ozone at that vulnerable moment(her teen years) when she knew everything and her partents couldn't beat an amoeba on an IQ test. She can drive anyone away by incessantly correcting them, having never encountered a statement that couldn't be improved with her precocious wisdom.
Have you considered seeing a therapist, Gaines? I'm not suggesting that there was anything autobiographical in your comment, but still.
ChillyGirl should have been left in. Of course, I'm a guy and would say that. Some of the ladies, though, might find it a bit sexist.
My personal favorite is Richard Cranium man. Thinks he is all that, and everyone knows better.
Rambler - I lobbied but Philip would have none of it. He'll say otherwise but he LIES!
Etta - Subtle. I like it.
Have y'all ever thought of starting your own Comic book series? I'd read em!
Richard Cranium - nice.
And Rambler, don't listen to Douglas. I liked the chilly girl one, but I just liked the other ones even more. That's why *I* suggested that we add the doggy bag section so that his outstanding list items won't go unread, just because they placed 6th or 7th on my list.
Thinkin, no we've never thought about starting a comic because it would just go to our heads and we'd start insisting that everyone call it a graphic novel and refer to us as "the artists." But thanks for thinkinfus!
How about Kumquat? We all know what his power is LOL!
Oooh, Otin just went there, didn't he?
Love the blogs gents. You are some seriously funny fuckers.
Though I'm a bit surprised you left of Sativa Man. He exhales weed which renders his opponents a hunger mess who forget what they're doing. Plus, he's fun to have around after battle when you need a little relaxer.
How would Chiaman's powers assist humanity? Feed hungry cats? Provid relaxation for someone who lost their Zen garden and has the yen for running a mini rake through some chia head?
I would say the list is missing Carbonation Girl...she can recarbonate beverages with her finger. She is a waitress by day, and by night, she can propel herself through water with the carbonation power.
hmm... i love gambit :)
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