But before we get to today's list, we just wanted to announce that the Dyer Boys will be taking some time off from tomorrow through next Tuesday to celebrate whatever it is that we're supposed to be celebrating on Memorial Day. We'll be back on Tuesday with a special "100th Blog Post Spectacular!!" Actually, it will probably be just like all the rest of our blog posts, but it is kind of cool that it will be our 100th. Have a happy Memorial Day weekend, everybody!
And now back to those announcements that Michael Vick made after being released from prison:
Douglas's list:
1. I want to make it perfectly clear that as of this minute, I am no longer homosexual.
2. As long as I'm not officially in the NFL right now, anyone got a spleef on them?
3. To all you ladies who visited me on conjugal day, thanks and all, but I'm going back to pretty bitches now.
4. If football doesn't work out, I did learn how to make wine in my shoe. Yeah, Nike Wine Shoe sounds like a billion dollars from where I'm sitting.
5. I been doing a lot of research in the prison library and I found out there is no law against raising fighting cats. Mike's back in business, Johnny Law!
Philip's list:
1. All you dog lovers don’t need to worry any more. The next time I plan any kind of fight to the death, it will involve either strippers or Australians.
2. I’m just looking forward to returning to my normal life of training dogs to kill each other on command. (Whispers from lawyer.) I’m sorry, I meant not training dogs to kill on command. I’m not going to be doing that any more.
3. Now that my violent past is behind me, I’m looking forward to getting back on the football field with a bunch of half-crazed steroid junkies trying to rip each other’s heads off.
4. I’m gonna take this check for $32.17 that I earned from making license plates and go straight to the nearest strip club. Who’s with me?!
5. All I really care about is finding out if Adam or Kris won on American Idol, and don’t nobody better tell me before I get a chance to see it neither!
No dogs were harmed in the compilation of today's doggie bag.
1. I just want to say to all of you Nation of Islam brothers on the inside who helped protect me from the Norteños and the Aryan Brotherhood – Psych! I ain’t no Muslim, y’all bunch of raghead bitches!
2. I’m happy to report that, after spending the last two years locked inside an overcrowded prison full of violent criminals, I am now ready to become a law-abiding, productive member of society.
3. Just knowing that one day I'd be able to get out of jail and see my best friend Dom DeLuise again has kept me...what's that? Aw damn!
4. Yeah, Farrah's boy is real popular in here. His Momma ain't did him no favors with that nipple poster.
14 comments:
Now I get to go back to the NFL where it's only my CENTER that'll be bending over with someone standing right behind him.
LOL! All of them were really funny. Can't wait to see the 100th post!!
Whoo hoo...happy almost 100 !!!!!
1) On the bright side, I've learned some valuable skills in prison...like how to make a shiv out of a spork.
2) I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.
Yeah.
We watched a shitload of Shawshank.
3) You know...I never thought I'd say this, but taking it in the ass ain't half bad.
4) I am announcing my first appearance in a porno - "Michael Vick's Doin' it Doggy Style."
Chris: That's exactly what the NFL Players Association wants you to believe.
TFY: Thanks! We can't wait to see something of yours too.
Thanks, Dani!
Moog: Are you available to write our 100th post? And then the next couple hundred after that?
well done. Sometimes u cant avoid a topic. I just got back from AC so that 38 bucks will get 1.5 songs so I'll lend you two bucks for the full songs.
I found your guyses site on Maugeritaville and I'm soo glad I did. You guys are hilarious. Thanks for the laugh!
Lamaworks - What a coincidence. I am also drunk off my ass.
Teresa - You're welcome. We do need to work on you plural possessives but for now, we're just glad for the company.
Boy am I looking forward to getting back into the game and showering with the team again.
Auzzies make the BEST pit fighters.
Also, they're rather thick and easy to control with shrimps and dingos and such.
I can't believe Vick got out already. That time flew by and I'm still at my computer.
Okay, I know it's "guys'" but I was trying to be cute. I was going for a pronunciation of guys-is (oh,never mind). Note to self: Don't go for cute, you come off sounding dumb.
You guys are hilarious!
FTU: Ironic, isn't it?
Mike: That's exactly why we chose them over the Laotians.
Suzy: You've been at your computer for almost 2 years? Larry David must have really done a number on you.
And Theresa, don't let Douglas's bitchiness make you stop trying to be cute. Note that this does not apply to you, Lamaworks. I have no idea what the hell you were talking about.
Going back to pretty bitches is my fave, but Nike Wine Shoe is going to keep me laughing all day. Of course, tomorrow when it's still in my head, I'll be cursing the Dyer name.
And the Dom DeLuise thing just came out of nowhere. You guys just keep adding value to my blog-reading experience.
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