Douglas's list:
1. First-offense violators of the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy were forced to line up on the parade grounds and butt-slap themselves in the testicles.
2. See, it's over the bridge then under the tree and then...ow! Dammit, I'll never get this right!
3. Later investigation would blame poorly translated U.N. exercise instructions for the Russian soldiers performing "morning circumcises."
4. The drunk drill sergeant would later be court marshaled for ordering the soldiers to Sit N Spin on their bayonets.
5. The ceremonial 21-gun-salute inadvertently turned into an eight-gun salute followed immediately by a four-person ambulance ride.
Philip's list:
1. “They want us to wear white cotton gloves and frilly epaulets while choreographing our every move in unison, but we can’t be gay?”
2. The Belarus army is divided into three divisions: Regular infantry, Blind infantry, and Tiny infantry.
3. In these soldiers’ defense, this is actually how they hold their guns when they’re feeling “at ease.”
4. It was then that the commanding officer suddenly realized why the enemy was always able to get past their left flank.
5. “And fire! No, wait... I mean don’t fire!”
We had a few more that nearly met our mediocre standards but not quite. Those are relegated to the doggie bag.
1. The directions clearly stated that in order to remove the bayonet attachment, you simply jab it into your thigh and make a sharp clockwise twisting motion.
2. The young Swiss recruits, most having never held a weapon, often had trouble telling which end of the gun should be pointing at the enemy.
3. "Okay, now you guys twirl your guns around to distract them while we
take a dump on the sidewalk."
4. The Ukrainian synchronized swimming team practices their ill-advised
new "Invasion of Poland" routine.
OK, your turn.
11 comments:
EEK! A MOUSE!!
"Um, I think I'm doing it wrong!"
1) Gotcha! I didn't say 'Simon Says.'
2) With enrollment at an all-time low, the Soviet Army is forced to recruit from the small buses.
3) The shocking finale of Quantum Leap finds Scott Bakula transported in mid-bayonet flip.
4) Jimmy immediately regretted his earlier decision to wash his gloves with Vaseline.
5) Marilyn Manson's stage show gets weirder every year.
Chris - I had a feeling the comments were going to be better than the originals today. Nice start.
Quirky - No girl. You're doing it right.
Moog - Well we give up. Simon says? Scott Bakula? We can't compete with that.
After losing the marching competition at the Japan Invitational -Vladimir's unit had to restore their honor as per the home team's rules.
Lacking penises, they had no choice but to stroke their egos by comparing gun sizes...
Nice one, Haley - subtlety is always welcome here.
And I knew you would find a way to spin this back toward penis jokes, OB.
Did the Village People really start out this way?
"Somebody didn't take their Enzyte today.."
DOM - You tell us, cowgirl.
Ladycasm - We've been over this. We need three hours notice for optimal effect.
C'mon guys, as former short school bus riders in Natchitoches, how can you let the above comment go unchallenged? Oh, was that a closely guarded secret? oops. sorry.
SHORT SCHOOL BUS RIDERS OF THE WORLD UNTIE!
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