The sudden outbreak of swine flu has people worried that we could be facing a new global pandemic. Here are some of the lesser-known preventive measures that the Center For Disease Control is recommending to prevent the spread of this disease.
Philip:
1. If you start to develop a dry, hacking cough, immediately fling yourself off of a bridge or skyscraper.
2. Just to be safe, everyone should stop Twittering with Mexicans.
3. Always wear a protective mask that snugly covers your mouth and nose. Especially if you're ugly.
4. Every time your child coughs, proceed immediately to the nearest emergency room and scream until someone agrees to refill your prescription for Vicodin.
5. Are you white and rich? No? Then you should go ahead and start settling your affairs.
Douglas:
1. It's OK to keep kissing pigs, but try to avoid using tongue.
2. To be on safe side, Taco Bell euthanized that talking Chihuahua.
3. Next time Pablo takes off his shirt while cutting your grass, don't cuddle with it when he's not looking.
4. Cough only on people you don't know, not loved ones.
5. Avoid touching your eyes and nose. Especially after you've been dismembering people who died of swine flu.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
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16 comments:
Those are great comments; i especially like the one about if your child is sick go to the ER and scream till someone refills your vicodin...I worked at a hosp for 10 years, they walk among us (sometimes I bum drugs off them too) and the comment about the taco bell chichuaua being euthanized. I think it's great you guys write as a team; there are really two of you right?????
You tell "us" how to score some oxy and "we'll" tell you if there actually are two of us.
I guess I've got to cancel that trip to Pig City, Mexico. The Latino club will have to do.
Stop twittering with the Mexicans?
HILARIOUS!!! LMBO!!!
you forgot "stay away from men" you know.. the ultimate swine...
No offense.. I'm just sayin
Shawn - Death by swine flu or flesh eating crotch amoebas. Tough call indeed.
Quirky - I don't go quite as far as Philip. I still twitter with Mexicans but I wear a mask and latex gloves.
Dizz - Not a bad idea. That way you won't catch the flu or pregnancy.
Have you ever thought about getting a job with the CDC? I think they could use more people like y'all.
As a physician, I can assure you the best way to avoid swine flu is to practice good handwashing technique, especially after porking that special someone...
See, Douglas - I told you Gaines would be the one to come up with the porking joke.
And, TOY, I promised myself never to go back to the CDC after "the indicent." Plus, there's that whole restraining order thing.
OK - I am white but not rich. I am supposed to get married in Mexico on June 6th which is ironically D-DAY. Is it a go or excuse to run for the hills?
Sometimes the signs are pretty clear, WS. Please tell your ex-fiancée I'm sorry.
I guess a raw bacon and ham sandwich is out of the question? I'd also stay away from soccer games. Nothing to do with the swine flu, just that soccer sucks.
Oooh, Chris is spinning this epidemic to his advantage. I have so much to learn from you.
Wait a minute, all I have to do is scream in the middle of an ER for Vicodin? Does it work better if you have a small child with you? Where can I get a small child?
You guys are going on my blog roll.
You didn't know that, Sue? You can also get all the Clozapine you want if you just pee yourself a little. Keep a towel and spare undies in the car.
And if you need a baby, they're cheap and plentiful at any McDonald's that has a play center. You can return them at the drive-thru.
I'm bookmarking Gaines's blog.
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