Phive Phun Photo Captions - Gay Marriage Protest

The actual caption for the picture below is this, "Gay rights advocate Matthew Arnold-Lloyd of Albany, N.Y., right, meets nose to nose with an unidentified man opposed to gay marriage during a rally outside the Capitol in Albany." We thought it could use a little sprucing up. Got any of your own? Drop them in the Comments section.



Douglas:

1. "Dude, your breath smells like Harvey Fierstein."

2. Even through the American flag, the sexual tension was bouncing off them like caffeinated flubber.

3. Tearful witnesses would later describe the subsequent moment as the most passionate kiss they had ever seen.

4. Moral disputes in New York are often settled with a traditional match of nose wrestling.

5. "Bitch, I am way more offended by your K-Mart windbreaker than you could ever be by me knocking boots with my Kenneth."


Philip

1. While the war of words raged on above, their own personal swordfight was raging on below.

2. "Whoa, okay, this time, I’ll step to the right and you step to the left and... no that won’t work either."

3. "For the last time, Jimmy, fold one corner down and then fold that corner back up over and over again until it makes a nice little triangle. Dude, even a friggin' Weebalo can do this!"

4. "You’re not wearing anything under that trench coat? Well, maybe I’m not wearing anything under this flag. Where can we go to settle this argument once and for all?"

5. Having failed CPR 17 times in a row, Bruce and David would now be sent back to the remedial class.

We don't want to pull the curtain back too far but we need to disclose a little bit about how we come up with these captions. There's a lot of back and forth email where the predominant words tend to be "dude" and "whatever." Maybe we've said too much. The upshot is there are several efforts that, for one reason or another, don't make the cut to our comedically refined lists. We've decided to include them anyway in a little section we call, "The Doggie Bag." Enjoy.



1) William and Carl were beginning to suspect that this particular team-building exercise might not be the most productive use of their marketing department retreat time.
2) Once they were triple-dog-dared, they really had no alternative but to stick their noses together.
3) Christoff’s new performance art piece called, “America only smells bad to the gays” was not meeting with much critical success.
4) "What we're doing right now is pretty much all we're asking for legally."
5) “And I say that Arizona was illegally annexed in a racist war against Mexicans. Any time you feel like sewing that 50th star onto my flag, you just go ahead and try, bitch!”
6) "I'm confused. I thought all you people looked like David Bowie."
7) “Dude, you have a clear hair line all the way around your head and your bangs are combed down over your forehead. Until people like you stop hiding your baldness, there will be no justice for any of us!”
8) Howard didn't understand what he was feeling. How could he remain opposed to gay marriage when he was standing in front of the most ravishing creature he had ever seen?
9) “Oh yeah? Well, maybe I’m only holding up this flag to hide the fact that I’m pitching a tent the size of the friggin’ Superdome under here. What do you think about that, faggot?”