Self Unaware Part 3 - by Douglas

This is the third of a three-part series about adults who are self-unaware resulting in the irritation of one of three senses - Sight, Smell, or Hearing. Today’s topic is Sight.

The old saying is, “You can’t judge a book by its cover.” The other old saying is, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” I’ll let these old sayings settle their own differences. But the reason we have both of them is that the moment we lay eyes on someone, we judge them. For instance, I know that you either don’t own an iron or your Mommy went on laundry strike. See? I can’t help it. And don’t get me started on your hair.



As a man of some girth with very strong-willed coiffurage and enough facial oils to fry hushpuppies for everyone in my zip code, I like to pretend that personal appearance doesn’t matter so much. But with those strikes already against me, why would I want to pile on with, say, a snug Kool Aid t-shirt, John Deere hat, and three days worth of a beard that rivals Keanu Reeves for unsightliness? Keanu, for realz homes!


So let’s put our best foot forward while realizing that it doesn’t take much to stumble. My personal best example was many years ago when my wife and I took our daughter and nephew to a Burger King for breakfast. I had just blown my nose (<--FORESHADOWING!) when an older couple that knew my wife came over and started talking to us. The entire conversation was awkward and there was precious little eye contact to be had. When they left (the man looked at the ground as he shook my hand), my young nephew looked up at me and said, “Uncle Douglas! With your bloody booger on your face!” A life lesson was born that day.

See, it doesn’t take too much for an entire conversation to be derailed simply through lack of personal attention. Gonna order the pesto pizza for dinner? Bring a wire brush or pressure washer. Nobody wants to talk to someone whose grill could be featured on HGTV’s “Landscapes Gone Horribly Wrong.” Hear a whistle when you breathe through your nose? Unless you shoved a flute up there again, it’s probably a mucous-based obstruction and it may well be visible. Sure way to stop a conversation.

If I don’t like you or feel comfortable around you, you’re on your own. If we’re tight, I’ll always tell you when you’re in a visibly distracting situation. I even have certain code words and phrases I’ll use if others are present. If you do have something dangling from a nostril or two, I’ll tell you I watched a rerun last night of that movie with Sylvester Stallone and the chick from that Alaska show. “Cliffhanger?” you’ll venture, then realize that you have your own little cliffhanger to deal with. If you forgot the zipper I might ask if you recall whether Punxsutawney Phil predicted six more weeks of winter this year. Pay attention.

OK, the three part self-unawareness series is over now. Please remember, I told you these things out of love. Love for when you don't annoy me. Plus your booger whistling is driving my dog apeshit.
Digg this • Facebook • Delicious • Subscribe