Yes Virginia, There Is A Tiled Kitchen - by Douglas

I…I just never gave up hope. I knew that one day with a little luck, a lot of planning, and most importantly, cash moneys, our kitchen floor would be adorned with honest-to-God tile. Sure, it’s been nine years dealing with peeling linoleum and weird stains that appeared from time to time with no identifiable source. If those stains had taken the shape of the Virgin Mary or, even better, Elvis, maybe we’d still have our despised linoleum.


Our luck running true, the unambitious little patterned sheets gave no indication that they would do anything but devolve into shredded strips of ugly aggravation.

But at long last, that is all behind us and our morning tootsies now traipse across cold, hard porcelain. And not just any porcelain, but perhaps the most thoroughly researched and scrutinized 240 square feet of porcelain in the entire metro area. So what have I learned that I can share with you, future flooring purchasers?

1. Before setting foot in a tile store you should sit down with your spouse and review your wedding vows word by word. If you’re not married, stop now.
   
2. All tile either comes from Italy or is given an Italian name. Practice rolling your R’s.
   
3. You will find no fewer than thirty tiles that will look absolutely stunning in whatever room you are flooring. You could save yourself some stress by buying the first one you agree on.
   
4. You will ignore my third suggestion and therefore will stub your toes on tile samples at least five times a week. Keep a small icepack on hand.
   
5. Buy lottery tickets daily. If any of them hit, you won’t have to deal with the tile thing any more.

Now that I have a tiled kitchen I am unjustifiably proud of myself. It’s just another one of those molehills that other adults climb every day but which seem like K2 to me. If you fall into the K2 category, my ultimate advice is this – buy a home that’s already tiled.

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