Of Mikes and Men - by Douglas

So Tuesday I went through my usual pre-American-Idol routine. Crack one near-beer and put another in the freezer. Microwave some cup-a-soup. Give the boy some Benadryl. Imagine my disappointment to see that all the networks had their programming pre-empted by some black dude talking to a bunch of suits. OK, OK, I’m just kidding. They weren’t ALL wearing suits. There were nine of them up front in long black dresses.

You’re right, I shouldn’t make light of such a singularly historic moment. We have a black president and that is something I would not have put money on in my lifetime. In fact I would think any manner of eligible white dude would have beaten the most qualified black guy until me and Walt Disney got our heads thawed and connected to our new android bodies. “Yo Ginsberg! Ruthie G!” our white president would yell from the podium with a crack pipe dangling between his remaining teeth. “Can a brother get a light? A little rock really helps with my…BOOGERNUTS! BOOGERNUTS! BOOGERNUTS!…Tourettes!”

And having spent a good deal of my life in Louisiana I would have bet even less money that they would elect an Indian governor. In his thirties! But that’s who gave the State of the Union rebuttal speech. Sort of. What Bobby Jindal has in his favor is, I know it’s terribly cliché by now, but he sounds white. I mean really white. If you close your eyes he might be the sheriff from Live and Let Die. Folks down south really cotton to that. Even better, if you sound like Rush Limbaugh you'd have a good shot at beating out the incumbent in an election for God. “I guess I got a little caught up touting my work creating the universe and giving life to all eligible voters and whatnot. Maybe I should have joked about Hillary’s thighs a little more," Jehovah might lament in his concession speech.


OK so open your eyes and there’s droopy-eyed Bobby Jindal looking as though he’s thanking the Academy for recognizing his sound mixing efforts on Slumdog Millionaire. And let’s talk about sound for a minute. Are times so hard that we can’t put a second mike on Jindal? I confess that I thought this speech would launch him into national prominence enough to become a serious contender for President in 2012. But it’s hard to get behind a guy who says, “We are Amer-ans. We can oo anythee!” I have seen much made of his Kenneth-the-30-Rock-Page-Aw-Shucks delivery too but having worked several years behind the scenes in TV and radio, I can't forgive equipment failure. To me, his entire career was just rendered regional by a faulty wire. Just one more piece of smooshed Radio Shack roadkill on the highway we call Politics.

Digg this • Facebook • Delicious • Subscribe