Quantum of Solace - by Douglas

To prove the utter worthlessness of this blog, I am now going to review Quantum of Solace. This is a completely meaningless exercise since it is now showing in only a handful of violiently unsafe theaters and will not be released on DVD for months. So any recommendations about whether you should see the movie are essentially anachronistic. OK, I just wanted to say anachronistic. And I'm not sure I did it correctly.

So I love the new edgy, actiony stuff happening in movies lately. Maybe credit The Matrix or whatever but it really hit it's peak with the prior Bond movie, Casino Royale. BTW, they called it Casino Royale because of the metric system. That movie had the most exciting opening sequence I've ever seen. After half an hour, I had to reupholster my couch for a variety of reasons. I was expecting Bond to judo chop Asians and make wry faces at hot, well-armed babes until they puddled under his registered deadly body. But shaken martinis and anatomically-correctly named villainesses are now a secondary consideration to helicopter shots and enough explosives to overthrow any Central American country. Daniel Craig was bouncing from scaffolding to construction beams like flubber on meth. And the same could be said for the latest Batman efforts. Now that I'm way off on my tangent, it appears that this actioning-up of tired movies seems to have affected Disney as well, based on the poster of "Race to Witch Mountain" that I saw. I barely recall this series of movies as a teeny smidge thrilling for my elementary senses but now it looks like The Rock is blowing up spaceships with his eyebrows. Not counting on that to displace Twilight.

I've done some serious digressing from reviewing Quantum of Solace. My feelings are that they asked Michael J. Fox to funnel some double espressos then shoot all the action sequences. I had no idea what was going on most of the time. And the movie was clearly written with the instructions, "Don't spare the flying glass. Wrap up the Casino Royale stuff. Give the lady something in her past to be pissed about. Don't let her schtup Bond to prove we're turning a page in the Bond series." I guess I feel the need to be snarky because of some movie-reviewing stereotype. If I hadn't seen Casino Royale, I would probably have enjoyed this more. But don't feed me red velvet cake and expect me to go running back to twinkies. Well, that's not the best example. In fact, I'll be right back...