Hot Button Issue - by Philip

The Oscar nominations came out recently and the film with the most nominations by far was "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." My initial reaction was, “Huh?” This was followed by, “Seriously, what movie actually got the most nominations?” I concluded with, “Wait… were there two Benjamin Button films this year?”

But apparently it’s true. The Academy saw fit to nominate Benjamin Button for Best Actor, Supporting Actress, Art Direction, Cinematography, Costume Design, Editing, Makeup, Music, Sound Mixing, Visual Effects, Adapted Screenplay, Directing, and the ultimate prize, Best Picture. As a comparison, Benjamin Button was nominated for five Golden Globes –usually a reliable bellwether for the Oscars– and didn’t win any of them.

So why does the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences think that this film is deserving of so many nominations? One possibility is that many Academy members are senile has-beens who watch only a tiny percentage of the films for which they vote, causing them to cast their ballots based on buzz and how much they liked the commercials. But that couldn’t possibly be true, right? Right? So maybe Academy members actually believe that Benjamin Button was the best movie this year. I saw the movie last week and can confirm that it wasn’t.

Don't get me wrong – Benjamin Button is a good movie, but it's just not in the same class as the rest of the nominees. Well, actually it was better than "The Visitor," which shouldn't have finished in the top 20 films of the year, let alone the top five. (Meow! Bitch line starts behind Phil!) The main strike against Benjamin Button was its appallingly long running time – 2 hours and 47 minutes. Several times during the movie I thought, “Okay, we get the point. You can move on now.” If I were editing this movie (which would have been a terrible business decision since I’ve never done that before), I can promise that the final release would have come in at least a half hour shorter. And my friend Steve would have probably sung over the end credits because I owe him a favor.

Also, even though I’m an unapologetic fan of Brad Pitt –I’ve had a bit of a man-crush on him since Thelma and Louise (Don’t worry, Mom. We haven’t acted on it yet.)– it seems impossible that there weren’t at least five better performances than his in the entire 2008 film anthology. He was very good under the challenging circumstances of portraying a man who ages backwards (How did he manage to shrink his body that much?!), but Philip Seymour Hoffman should have made the list instead for "Doubt," rather than garnering a Best Supporting Actor nomination. (What does a brother gotta do to qualify as a lead actor in this town?) Pitt’s performance was undeniably good, but it wasn’t the kind of tour-de-force that one would expect for an Oscar nominee.

However, in my ongoing efforts at backpedaling, I do think that some of Benjamin Button’s nominations were well deserved. For instance, Visual Effects might be the closest thing to a lock for this film because of the seamless work they did in placing Brad Pitt’s heavily made-up face on children’s bodies. Before my brother makes a joke about the European Catholic church in the 1700s, what I meant was that they used a computer to put Brad Pitt’s face on other people’s bodies, which is the exact opposite of what I did on my match.com profile. Of course, the baby Button did look like the unholy love child of a Ron Mueck sculpture and an ugli fruit, but it will still probably win that category, if for nothing else than to keep the film from going 0-for-13.

Even though I’m baffled about Benjamin Button's overachievement, I have to hand it to the Academy for nominating "In Bruges" for Best Screenplay. That was the funniest movie that I saw this year, despite being more violent than a DMX concert. (Does it make me look cool that I know who DMX is? I just Googled +rap +violent and he’s the first thing that came up.) So hear me now, Academy President Sid Ganis, if "In Bruges" wins that award, I’ll happily forgive all of this year’s excessive Buttoneering. But if it doesn’t, I’m totally gonna go all Ice-T on your ass. Ice-T is still relevant, right?