Yes, I spelled it that way on purpose because this damn show is going to render me idle until a winner is crowned. If you found the following in your fortune cookie, would you believe it? "You will be captivated by thousands of tone deaf children singing at four people, of whom you barely recognize one." Sure, they'd never get that all on one fortune but let's suspend some disbelief. I'd sooner fall for the suggested lottery numbers on the flip side. But dammit, here I go again!! Idol started last night and I was shushing my sick four-year-old who was asking me to help blow his nose.
Speaking of ignorance and sickness, I harken back to that beautiful moment last year when Paula critiqued Jason Dreadlock on a song that he had yet to sing. If anyone should not be on live television it is Paula Abdul, but God bless those Fox execs, she'll be on three nights a week live in primetime. The Flying Walendas had less risky jobs. That in mind, I'd like to make a few 2009 Paula Predictions to get on record early with the inevitable wackiness.
1. Paula will do something on the air that will cause her or someone else to need stitches.
2. She will drop the F bomb on the air and not realize it until after the commercial break.
3. An observant viewer will discover that a dancing Paula has wet herself a little.
4. Will refer to a contestant whose name she can't recall as "the big, gay one".
5. She'll be caught coming back from commercial licking something off the table.
6. Wardrobe malfunction.
7. Will accidentally refer to Randy as "Emelio".
8. She'll appear in a cast one week but not the next.
9. Will burst into tears while talking about a pet.
10.There will be vomit.
Now, remember, this is Paula Abdul. I've seen her fall asleep during a live interview, so none of these is out of the realm. By the by, my favorite moment from last night's show was when Ryan Seacrest raised his hand to receive a high five from a blind guy. Yes, Ryan was left hanging.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
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2 comments:
I saw a fair amount of the show last night as well, though I admittedly had my back to the TV most of the time, more so that I could do some work on my computer rather than to try and appreciate the pure tonal quality of the contestants without any visual distractions. Here are my notes:
- That deep voice guy was totally faking it. His face contorted in pain while singing. Did you notice that he was unable to hit any notes lower than his speaking voice? He claimed that he just woke up one day at age 14 and his voice had gotten that deep. I think he woke up one day at age 14 and remembered that a cute girl had told him the day before that she likes deep voices. Plus he probably realized that singing in a freakishly infrasonic vibrato would be his only chance of getting on TV. But as I mentioned, I was barely paying attention to the show. Ahem.
- Paula Abdul and the new chick are going to kiss on the air. The timing will depend on the ratings, so it will happen if their numbers start to flag during the live competition.
- The bikini girl wasn't nearly as attractive as she thought she was, but her act worked. Thankfully, this sort of thing never happens in real life.
- What's the deal with the guys who sing like a Smurf with bronchitis (I mean bronchismurf)?
- This could be the year when Cowell actually beats a contestant to death. Start your pools now, people.
Did you guys watch the reality show 'Hey Paula'? If not, you should definitely check it out. It's truly unbelievable!
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